When it comes to our relationship with food, especially as women, so many of us are working through generational trauma. So many of us are breaking serious dysfunction that has been deeply ingrained in us since childhood. We hold space for that, and our hearts are with you. You are not alone! With that being said, no matter where we find ourselves on our own personal nutrition and health journey, change has to begin with us as parents, despite the baggage we carry with us from our own childhood. Change begins here and now, with our own children and their relationship with food. 

“I don’t want to track macros because I don’t want my kids to see me weighing and tracking my food obsessively.” We have heard this on more than one occasion, as nutrition coaches. Let’s unpack this for a moment. First, don’t get me wrong, it is SO admirable to care about what our kids are seeing us do as parents. Of course we care about that, right?! When talking about the word “obsession” and the weight that it holds, let’s be honest: as a culture, we obsess over so many things and we don’t even realize it. We obsess over our social media, our beauty routine, ensuring our home is up to par, Sunday football, our favorite sports teams, Taylor Swift, binging a particular show on Netflix, our business, our career, and the list goes on. But suddenly, when we shift our focus to becoming healthier and taking better care of our bodies, we label that as “obsessive.” You see where I’m going with this: this thinking is very flawed. Just because something is new and uncomfortable and our kids aren’t used to seeing it, doesn’t mean it’s a negative thing for them to see. Let’s present the following question: if spouses track their financial budget, do we consider it obsessive? Or do we consider this act being financially responsible? Rather than “obsessive,” macro tracking is taking control, viewing the data and learning the right ways to ensure we are properly fueling our bodies and even adding years to our own lives, our spouses lives and our children’s lives. It shouldn’t be taboo for our kids to see us weighing our food. Just because it’s new and a bit foreign initially doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing for our children to be exposed to. It’s a phenomenal tool for our kids to see us utilize. It’s one thing for us to TELL our kids that they should take care of their own bodies and prioritize healthy habits, but what are we actually SHOWING them. Yes, it matters what we say, but it matters just as much what we do. 

From the time our kids are little and we begin to introduce foods to them, different textures and flavors can seem a bit odd and intimidating. If you are in the thick of the baby/toddler/little kid season like me, try to be mindful about introducing the not-so-fun, green foods first. If it’s green, put it on their plates even if you don’t think they will eat it. Pro tip: put the plate in front of YOU and act like it’s for you. Suddenly, they want it. Now, if they don’t want it, that’s okay too. Take a bite off your own plate and use fun and exciting language. If you’re eating broccoli, for example, you might say something along the lines of, “Mommy is going to have some broccoli. My body needs energy right now! Did you know that broccoli offers energy AND it helps to build strong muscles? How cool is that?” You’re planting the seed by letting them know it’s healthy and delicious. You’re not forcing them to eat anything, it’s not a screaming match and one day, they will try the broccoli. It’s okay if that day comes down the road. Don’t be surprised if your child wants nothing to do with it. That’s okay! Keep putting it on the table. When we strive to put a variety of foods on the table, they become more curious, accustomed to variety and want to try things. It’s all about exposure, repetition and time/patience. My kids don’t love all vegetables. I don’t fret over it. I just keep offering them and eating them in front of them. Next, make it clear that your kitchen isn’t a restaurant. Many times, we turn our kids into picky eaters accidentally by offering them too much autonomy and too many options while they’re little. My kids know that if they don’t want to eat what I make, they can have a very hearty sandwich with meat, cheese, sauces, fix-ins, etc. It’s a perfectly balanced alternative. OR, they can choose not to eat. Yep, I said it. If they’re hungry, they eat. For toddlers specifically, you may find you need to keep shredded chicken, cheese, carrots or banana and crackers on hand to throw together when they don’t want what you’re making. Remember this though – as humans, if we are hungry, we are much more likely to eat what’s put in front of us. Don’t immediately resort to making them their own little meal because of refusal to eat. Talk about the yummy things on your own plate. Make it fun and exciting! We don’t want to force our kids or shame them into eating to satisfy us as parents, we want them to become naturally curious about food and expose them to lots of different foods. Along with this, if my sons are still hungry, you bet I am passing them more food with dense nutrients. If they aren’t as hungry, I’m allowing them to leave their plate. But I’m certainly not allowing them to get an ice cream bar from the fridge if they didn’t eat a solid portion of their protein with hearty carbs/veggies.

Now let’s fast forward down the line just a bit. During middle school and high school, processed “junk food” is so heavily available and aggressively shoved in our kids’ faces as they get older. It truly is all too convenient and accessible – it’s seemingly handed to our kids when they’re out of our sight. It’s important that we explain the disservice that they are doing to their own bodies when we allow them to consume energy drinks and donuts in the morning, or soda and chips throughout the school day, before they go and play a ballgame. Our kids have to understand that while they may be able to get away with doing this now, their body will pay the consequences down the road. How amazing is it that we have the power to set them up to live longer, to thrive in their older years and to then teach their own kids the same? This work begins when our kids are young. This doesn’t mean we are making comments about our kids’ bodies or telling them to lose weight, gain weight, etc. This just means we are giving them the tools and setting them up to thrive in their bodies. We are handing our kids a powerful legacy by teaching them from a young age how to take care of their precious bodies well. This includes teaching them that the right foods might not taste as thrilling and exciting. At the end of the day, gas station pizza tastes better than meal prepped chicken, rice and veggies. But ultimately, kids cannot say “yes” to everything that tastes good. We know that as adults, we cannot approach every food at the potluck with no limits. We have to have a game plan. We must teach our kids to value quality much more than quantity. This doesn’t mean that kids need to track in a macro tracker or have assigned macros at all. It just means that it’s SO beneficial to have conversations about what balanced nutrition looks like, for them to see their own caregivers being diligent about consuming the right foods in the right quantities and for boundaries to be put in place for them. Ultimately, kids CRAVE boundaries. Boundaries, rules and parameters are essential for development. Kids cannot have total freedom to make their own choices because their brains aren’t fully developed. That’s where we come in as their parents. It’s okay if our kids become angry or throw a bit of a fit because we won’t allow them to have this candy or that snack. We care and we love them, and that’s why we tell them “no.” I don’t let my kids have certain snacks or candies and I don’t apologize for it. I have set boundaries and limits with my own family members in order to ensure my sons’ bodies are nourished well. For example, when my sons’ go to my parents house, they know that we fully expect them to have a nutritious meal for dinner even if they ask to eat popsicles and chips. Our sons know that they absolutely have to prioritize hearty and nutritious foods first, and then the fun snacks and treats become available to them within reasonable limits.

Our five and seven year old sons were watching Patrick Mahomes play this past Thursday (GO KC!) and our oldest son said, “can you imagine the amount of protein he has to eat to perform the way he does on the football field!?” Our kids are learning from us! They are absorbing everything we are prioritizing and doing. It’s so FUN to have those conversations with our sons. They get excited to fuel their bodies well. Our daughter, Ellary, is only 5 months old, but I cannot wait to talk to her about how much I personally eat to build a strong body. I cannot wait to talk to her about the power that food is, and how her strong body needs plenty of high quality fuel. As parents, we have to let our kids know that no food is “good” or “bad.” All food offers something, and there are nutrient dense foods (whole, hearty, from the earth) and more fun, snacky treats. Treats are sprinkled on top of an already solid nutritional foundation. As nutrition coaches, we aren’t dumping out our kids’ buckets of Halloween candy at the end of the night. We’re putting the bucket on the top shelf in the cabinet and giving them a controlled quantity, reasonable quantity, within our parental control. Healthy limits and boundaries are key. It’s about teaching them to be selective vs totally rigid and restrictive, and helping them to lay that solid foundation nutritionally. I will never forget when my husband told me the story of his best childhood friend coming home from the park with him in high school after they had done something utterly outrageous (middle school boys, am I right?) and his buddy wanting to go home with him to get scolded. My husband’s friend didn’t have involved parents who kept tabs on his whereabouts. When my husband asked “why do you WANT to come with me? You could go home and no one would say anything.” My husband’s friend responded with, “yeah that’s the point, no one will say anything to me.” Saying “no” is good and healthy. Getting rid of too many choices and excess is a solid parenting move. Don’t be afraid to flex those muscles with your own kids -they’ll thank you for it down the road! If we don’t talk to our kids about their health and nutrition, the world will. Let’s talk about control over what their bodies and minds are being fed together, one day at a time. 

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