Self(less) Love

Krista’s got another recipe in the blog queue and told me she wouldn’t put it up until I wrote a post.

“Maybe write a post about self love or self care?” She texted. 

“Krista, if I read one more thing about self love, I think I might vomit. Won’t do it.” I wrote back within seconds. 

Here’s the thing. I’m all about getting your oxygen mask on first by fueling your body with adequate nutrition, movement, and rest. I’m all about making sure your tank is filled SO you can SERVE your family and others around you, but I’m ready to share exactly why I. CAN’T. STAND. the self love campaigns.

This might be a hard truth to swallow for some, but NEWS FLASH… humans are BORN selfish. We have an innate desire to not only survive but to fulfill our every need. 

Don’t believe me? Put two toddlers together in a room with one toy.  I promise you won’t even have to shout, “Don’t forget to LOVE yourself!” before they start tearing each other to shreds over the toy that surely belongs to them.

We are born our number 1 fans. We want to be comfortable, happy, and we want it all RIGHT NOW. And if you think you need a 21 day self-love challenge to unlock true contentment and happiness, I beg to differ.

The most commonly used word in the English dictionary is… you guessed it, “I.”

Yet these “You deserve it! Take some time for you!” campaigns fool us into thinking we have somehow forgotten how to put ourselves first. 

It feeds our selfish desires and distracts us from what we’re really called to do. We weren’t born to pamper ourselves with massages, Brazilian blow outs, buffets, Starbucks runs, and shopping sprees. We were born to love our creator and to love others.  

But the qualities required to have true contentment: sacrifice, long suffering, self control, kindness, goodness, patience, love and joy, are NOT found at the spa. They’re not found on the beaches of Costa Rica, or the mall, or Starbucks. 

These qualities are found when we teach our children how to make their beds despite their adamant refusal. 

They’re found when we discipline our children when they treat others poorly, and when we teach them how to cook in the kitchen, even though the process takes 3 times as long. 

They’re discovered every time we role model living life on a budget when every Facebook ad says “but YOU DESERVE this.”

True self(less) love grows when we admit we’re selfish, choose to alter our motives, acknowledge we’re going to mess up over and over again, and strive to be better than we were yesterday. 

I want my kids to be confident. I want them each to recognize their worth so they can USE their gifts to serve others. I want to raise boys who know how to take care of their bodies and minds spiritually and physically, but I’m tired of  hearing that self love is the answer to society’s problems, when in reality, selfishness is at its root and will forever be our biggest obstacle. 

If you’re spending today cleaning up your messy kitchen, playing with your kids on the floor, preparing a meal for your family, and saying no to things that don’t fit into your budget, YOU mama, are demonstrating the very best kind of self(less) love! 

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