I’ve always bared my soul on the blog. I flirt with the crazy line pretty frequently when it comes to sharing because Krista and I have built our business on honesty and vulnerability.
I’ve been meaning to write this post for months. I can take pictures of my back fat in a bikini 5 days postpartum without hesitation, but this one’s hard. I kept asking myself why is this so difficult to write about? If another woman were in my shoes, I’d be championing her along, so what am I so afraid of?
Judgment. It’s inescapable really. Every post I put up comes with judgment. Who would judge a woman that’s had 3 kids for getting breast augmentation? Well, let’s start with my own mother.
“Hey Mom, I’m getting my boobs done. Can you babysit my kids the weekend of the procedure?”
“WHAT?!?! You’re my perfect little baby. Why in the world would you ever do that? It’s so dangerous. You could DIE. And why do you want big boobs? I’ve always had big boobs and I hate them.”
After I convinced my mother that there was a pretty solid chance I’d escape death, I had her come with me to try on bras for my breast augmentation consultation.
“See what I’m dealing with here?”
“Oh yes. Yes, you will feel much more confident after this procedure. Wow. You really have nothing left but skin. Okay. I will babysit.”
In addition to the fear of judgment from others, I have my own hamster wheel of judgment and insecurities that I’ve created all on my own.
What does God think of breast augmentation?
I make a living encouraging others to embrace their imperfections. Is this hypocritical?
What if I won’t be able to do a muscle up ever again?
Does breast augmentation make me less relatable?
What do I tell my kids?
What do I tell the girls in my bible study?
After months of asking myself these questions I came to realize that my insecurities were less about the procedure and more about the thoughts and reactions from others.
What do I really think? How do I really feel about breast augmentation?
I. Can’t. Wait.
The hubs and I attended Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University a year ago. We haven’t ever had credit card debt, but Chris is a pharmacist, which came with massive student loan debt. $105,000.00 to be exact. When we attended the class we had what we thought was a lofty goal of paying off the loan in 3-5 years. What I love about Dave Ramsey’s FPU is that it is GOAL driven. Dave always asks his listeners what they plan to do when they pay off their debt. Chris and I decided after we paid off his loan, I would get breast augmentation. It was a goal we were both equally motivated by.
We paid off our 105K loan in 10 months. I still can’t believe we did it. When I think about the magnitude of what we accomplished, I think less about the money and more about what we’re capable of when we come together and work towards a common goal.
I have a countdown on my phone until my procedure and it is 26 days away. I can’t wait to wear a T-shirt and have it fit the way I want it to. I look forward to the day that I can no longer feel insecure about my 14-year-old boy chest. But more than all of that, these new boobs of mine are the representation of 10 grueling months of hard work and sacrifice. They’re a representation of what Chris and I are capable of when I’m not aimlessly swiping my credit card. They represent the success of my own personal transformation journey as well as the success of Stay Fit Mom, which started as a tiny blog that Krista and I dreamed up 3 years ago.
Chris and I didn’t call into Dave Ramsey to do our debt-free scream, but if we did it might go something like this…
“We’re debt-free… and we’re getting 400cc’s!!!!!”
So there you have it. All of my vulnerability and honesty out there for the world to see and maybe even judge. Lucky for me, our clients, readers and followers have always returned vulnerability with love and support and it’s always given Krista and me the courage to keep it personal.